I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
