the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
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