By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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