Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
