What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
