Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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