He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
