I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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