even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
