(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
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