it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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