all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
