I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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