on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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