he thought i was a dude.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
