my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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