It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
No I am not eating basil off your cock
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
