I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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