btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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