im drinking this country out of the recession.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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