too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
