that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I touched a dick in church today
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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