so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
