we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Dignity is for republicans.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
