it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
