i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
