Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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