Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I don't deserve a penis
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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