she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
