Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
