This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
