he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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