I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
