I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
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