My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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