btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
