tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
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I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
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Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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