Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
