the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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