naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
