And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
