I am puke
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
