Just cropdusted the office
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
