Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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