yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
