if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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