Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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