He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
