Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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