"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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