Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Randomize
