I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
