I'm going to jail i love you
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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