My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
