Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
