His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
My penis needs a shock collar
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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