my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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