If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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