i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Randomize
