So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
