Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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