I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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