Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
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And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
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These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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