Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
