Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
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I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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