never play flip cup with pint glasses
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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