Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
