its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
