Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
