I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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