oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Randomize
