PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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